Last month, we discussed the A.R.E. you there for me? framework and the importance of emotional responsiveness in relationships. When partners are consistently Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged with each other, the relationship tends to do pretty well. These are skills of attunement (and skills that can be learned and improved upon with practice, by the way), and they are what help make a relationship feel safe and connected.
World-renowned relationship psychotherapist, Esther Perel, says ‘the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships’, and she’s absolutely right. But what’s more is that, the quality of our relationships are also fairly dependent on emotional connection and our ability to feel psychologically safe with others. In other words, overall life satisfaction has a lot to do with whether or not you’ve experienced consistent emotional attunement and responsiveness - in the present and in the past.
The Still Face Experiment was developed in the 1970s by Dr. Edward Tronick as part of his research on infant social and emotional development. As a developmental psychologist, he sought to understand the impact of parental interaction and responsiveness on infant behaviour and emotional regulation. These experiments were rooted in Attachment Theory which suggests that attunement from caregivers directly influences an infant’s emotional and social development and the style of attachment they will likely form later in life (i.e. secure or insecure attachment). Keep in mind that these were done at a time where there was almost no concept of infant mental health - most people didn’t believe that infants could understand emotional and social interactions. However, the experiments showed that babies are extremely responsive to the emotions and the reactivity of the world around them, and what they learn during that time forms the foundation for what they will come to expect from relationships with others as they get older. This discovery continues to be one of the most widely confirmed findings in the field of developmental psychology.
Let’s look at how the experiment plays out. It starts with a caregiver (usually the mother) interacting with her infant in a normal, engaging manner. They play peek-a-boo, they smile, and the caregiver responds to the infant’s cues. After a few minutes, the caregiver is instructed to maintain a neutral, expressionless face and stop responding to the infant’s attempt to engage. Across various replications of the experiment spanning different languages and cultures, the researchers observed similar behaviours in all infants.
Initially, the babies appear confused. They try to re-engage the caregiver through smiles, vocalisations, and gestures. When these attempts fail, they often show visible signs of distress such as crying, fussing, or looking away. And when that fails, the infant will withdraw and orient their face and body away from their caregiver with a hopeless expression - a protective mechanism to prevent further rejection and hurt. In the experiments, this goes on only for a few minutes before the adult resumes engaging with the baby, laughing and smiling, and repairing the disconnection that occurred. However, what does a child learn when disconnection like this happens regularly, and without repair? Alternatively, what happens when a caregiver switches between hot and cold? (Have a look back at the Rat Experiment in previous Mind Matters for that one). Either way, these behaviours affect not just how the baby develops in terms of emotional regulation, they also impact the mental models they form about relationships.
There are many reasons that a parent may struggle to be emotionally present with their children. Some parents have illness or injury that can make it difficult to show appropriate emotional reactions. Drug and alcohol misuse, or addiction, can also impact on emotional availability and connection to children. Parents experiencing severe depression or other mental health challenges may struggle to engage with their child. It may also be difficult for parents to feel emotionally close if they did not experience that type of attunement and connection themselves as a child. In a world of constant work/life stress and modern day distractions (I’m looking at you TikTok), it’s easy to see how the still-face experiment might be playing out in real time behind the scenes. Disconnection inevitably happens to all of us at some point (because we are human), but prioritising consistency, reconnection, and repair can make such a huge difference.
Research has shown us that children who have parents that are responsive to their needs have an easier time trusting others, relating to others, and regulating their emotions. And, not only is emotional responsiveness a need for babies and infants, it’s essential for adult relationships to thrive, too.